Who's to say...

It's Tuesday morning and I'm suddenly woken up to the excitement of a little boy who comes barging into my room, asking me to help him find our elf. Before my feet even hit the floor, he grabs my hand and we begin our search. We check the closet... no luck there. We check the bathroom... no luck there either. He continues to hold my hand as we walk downstairs into the living room. To our surprise, our elf is sitting on a wire reindeer sitting on the piano. Jack laughs and laughs at where he's found his little friend. The rest of the day, all Jack can talk about with his friends at school is where his little elf friend landed in the morning and excitement begins to build of where he'll find him tomorrow. 

Recently, I've read a blog post where a blogger writes of how fed up she is with the "elf on the shelf" business and parents who use this little friend with their children aren't really parenting. Even though there were some points made which I do agree with, I don't agree with her lumping all parents into one stereotypical group. I agree that parents shouldn't be spending enormous amounts of time trying to create havoc with their mischievous elf; however, who's to say the elf has to be mischievous and what's wrong with creating a magical experience for our children to use their imaginations. Our little friend who visits our house is not mischievous and just flies back and forth to the North Pole. But more importantly, out little friend has our children believing in doing good. Parents use several techniques and traditions in teaching children to be obedient; but who's to say my way is better than yours or your's better than mine. We each have different parenting styles and do what is best for our own little families.

One of the greatest things I love about children is their innocence and complete belief that miracles happen today. There is something magical on the face of children as they talk about Santa Claus. We live in a very cynical world that tells us God doesn't exist and miracles have ceased around us. I love the part of Christmas that instills in our children a sense of magic and that miracles can happen in the world today. The elf and Santa are just part of our holiday traditions but most definitely not the focus. However, believing in a man in red who they can't see and brings them gifts freely if they're obedient and good may begin to help them believe in a man who gives them eternal gifts if they make and keep sacred covenants. Faith is believing without seeing.  

Yes, I don't need an elf to address my child's behavior; however, I need an elf, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and maybe even the toothfairy to teach my children it's okay to have an imagination and to dream. They'll have plenty who will tell them when they're older to be unbelieving and cynical. I would rather teach my children to lift people up regardless of their beliefs and traditions instead of tearing them down because of their beliefs and traditions. In essence, I want them following the example of our Savior who stated "when we do it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Today, I want them enjoying being kids, understanding the reason we celebrate, and believing in the magic which is Christmas.

The need for "Real Men" in today's homes

In the world we live in today, I often hear the phrase “be a man” but it’s followed by stereotypes of what the world believe men should be (stern, unemotional, tough, strong, etc.). I believe the following are true characteristics of “real men”:

Real men know how to be romantic and cheesy – Too many times men think about the image they’re portraying to their buddies or the world around them and forget about the person they should be trying to please the most; their eternal companion. Because of this “protecting image” attitude, they don’t allow themselves to be vulnerable and silly. They quickly forget about the romantic and crazy things they did to win the heart of their sweetheart. Real men win the hearts of their sweetheart throughout their whole lives, not just when they exchanged rings. They buy flowers or chocolates unexpectedly, for no obvious reason. They think of romantic things to do for milestones in the marriage, whether they have money or not. They search out ways to be creative because they know their wife would love it, even if it’s not in their nature to be creative. Real men date their wives their whole lives.

Real men know how to cook, clean, and do laundry – There is a false idea out in the world today that says that it’s a man’s privilege to come home to a perfectly, cleaned home, with dinner ready to go on the table. After dinner, they can kick up their legs and relax after a hard day’s work. This may have been the way things were “way back when” but it’s not the way things are today. The work that goes on at home is just as rigorous (if not more) than the work that goes on in the world. Real men take over cooking responsibilities when they can see their wives have had a rough day with the kids. After dinner is over, real men tell their honeys to take a rest while they clean up the dishes, take out the garbage, and pick up the toys. When real men see their wives bringing up a load of laundry to fold, they sit down next to her and fold clothes with her, followed by a nice back massage.

Real men help their wives spread their wings and fly – Just as men have dreams of becoming something great in the world today, so do women. Real men help their wives realize their dreams and aspirations. They help them develop hobbies and talents that allow them to spread their wings and fly. Just as wives allow husbands to golf, ski, and go to sporting events, real men allow their wives to go to craft parties, plays, and girl’s nights out. Even though being a mother is a sacred responsibility, women need outlets and “adult” time as much as men do.

Real men sacrifice – With the world we live in of big egos and making more money to get ahead, real men learn the value of sacrifice. Real men may pass up a higher paying promotion at work because it would take them away from precious moments with their family. They sacrifice the bigger promotion to see Tommy’s first hit and Lucy’s first piano recital. They sacrifice sleep to care for a sick little one while mother slumbers. Real men sacrifice whatever is needed to ensure his wife’s needs are being met above his own.

Real men know how to play with Barbies and race-cars – No amount of money or toys that money can buy will compensate for the time a father spends sitting down and playing with his kids. Dads who are consumed by work or other responsibilities and neglect these precious opportunities to play with their kids are missing out on valuable opportunities to develop relationships of trust that will be vital for when their children are teenagers and adults. There are very few times where little boys or girls are as excited than when their daddy sits down to play with them. Once these little ones are teenagers or adults, they will seek advice from those who played race-cars or Barbies with them when they were younger, not the stranger that now wants to be a part of their lives.

Real men read to their kids – There is nothing more exciting to a little boy than having his real-life hero read him books about super-heroes in masked faces and capes, using voices high and low, gruff and soft! There is nothing more precious to a little girl than having her life’s protector tell her stories about far off lands with princes and princesses.  Dr. Seuss penned, “The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” Real men want their kids to go far in life and will take the time to read to them often.

Real men cry, smile, and laugh often – Too often we hear of men who are heartless, angry, and just plain mean. Some men in the world today feel that in order to get ahead in life, it’s important to not show your emotions. They are mean at work and are mean at home, allowing their lack of emotion to ruin the innocence of their children and break the hearts of their wives. Real men understand that crying breaks down any walls to the heart and allows others to see the dreams, fears, and aspirations that are hidden inside. Real men come to grips that it’s okay to allow others to see the inside of their heart, especially their wife and children. Real men play Santa Claus, tooth fairy, and Easter Bunny for their children because they know that imagination is the beginning of big dreaming and big dreams equate to future success. Real men turn their kid’s frowns upside down through the tickle monster.

Real men teach their kids through example – Too many times dads yell at their kids to do what they say and not what they do. There’s nothing more important in life than a father’s quiet example to his children. If you want your children to pray, they need to find their father on his knees. If you want your children to be nice and neighborly, they need to see their father helping a neighbor in need. If you want your children to be kind to the disadvantaged and disabled, they need to see their father going out of his way to open a door for someone in a wheel chair. Most importantly, if you want your sons to show respect and love to women, they need to see their father love their mother.

If you believe the world is in need of “real men,” please feel free to pass this message along.


Image of Dad Holding Hands Courtesy of Michelle Meiklejohn/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

6 Lessons Learned

It has been 18 months since I was called to be bishop and this post will discuss the top 6 things I've learned in my service thus far. I am learning more and more every day and still feel severely inadequate for the calling but have learned a few lessons along the way that have helped me.

Lesson #1 - The mantle of bishop is absolutely real!

There is no possible way I could say the things I say and do the things I do without the amazing mantle which accompanies being bishop. It is very hard to explain the feelings that come into my heart and thoughts that come into my mind as I meet with members of the ward. Most of the time, I have no idea why a member wants to meet with me and completely trust that Heavenly Father will guide and direct me. They come in and we begin with a prayer. We pray that the spirit will guide us in our discussion and will inspire us to act on the impressions received. Without fail, the Spirit comes and directs me. Sometimes it's scriptures I've recently read that come to mind or a recent conference talk that might help (I always try and use the words of the prophets as they're much better than mine). Other times I feel impressed to not say anything at all and just listen. Once they've finished speaking, if the thoughts aren't there, I'll ask members for more time to seek guidance from the Spirit and come back to them at a later time with counsel. I always hope members don't think that I'm side-stepping their questions or concerns. I just know that I can't do anything without the Spirit and want the counsel to come from Heavenly Father and not me. I can definitely tell the difference between my thoughts and His thoughts. In Isaiah 55:8 we read that "my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways..." The mantle of bishop allows me to distinguish between His thoughts and my thoughts and His ways and my ways.

Lesson #2 - Heavenly Father loves us more than we can possibly comprehend.

Another great blessing of the mantle of bishop are the feelings that overcome me as members sit across the desk from me or as I gaze across the congregation during sacrament meeting, searching the faces of those who might need help. I have never felt in my life, to this degree, the amount of love I have for God's children, especially those under my stewardship. The only explanation I have is that, through this mantle, Heavenly Father wants me to feel a small portion of the love He has for each of us so that it can spill off of me and onto those I meet with. When I try and explain it to members, if the hearts of the members are opened, the Spirit helps carry those words to their hearts and they begin to feel His love. 

Why does the adversary want those who sin to hide and not see their bishop? I'm convinced it's because he doesn't want them to feel of this love. Every time a brother or sister humbly confesses their sins, I feel an IMMENSE amount of joy and love for that individual. Not joy for the sin, but the joy our Heavenly Father has when His children decide to come unto the Savior and partake of His atonement. I know that Heavenly Father loves ALL of His children, no matter what struggles or trials they're facing. I feel that love every day. As I look at my own boys and know of the unconditional love I have for them, I'm in awe at the perfect love our Heavenly Father has for us, no matter what we've done.

Lesson #3 - The atonement of Jesus Christ can heal anything.

I learned very quickly the importance of the atonement of Jesus Christ and its power to cure Heavenly Father's children of life's ills. No matter what struggles, trials, or afflictions we're going through, the atonement is there to help us through it. No matter the height of the seemingly insurmountable tasks that fall in front of us on a daily basis, the atonement can scale them. No matter the amount of hurt and pain we feel in our lives (either emotional or physical), the atonement can heal it. No matter the depth of how far someone has fallen, the atonement can reach us. I've seen the miracles that happen in our lives as we learn HOW to apply the atonement every day to life's difficulties. As we make and keep sacred covenants, we yoke ourselves with the Savior and our burdens become light, "for [His] yoke is easy." When we break covenants and try and do things on our own in our own way, without the help of the Savior, that's when life can get difficult and our burdens become too heavy to bear. If you or someone you know feels the heaviness of life's burdens, the invitation is always there to come unto Savior and learn of Him and His atonement. The Savior's atonement is one of life's greatest gifts that is severely under-utilized. 

Lesson #4 - Today's youth have been saved for generations to come to earth and are absolutely incredible!

I decided very early as bishop to spend as much time as I can with the youth. They are the most amazing kids I've ever been around. Every time I'm around them, I feel strengthened and revitalized to do this work with more vigor and faith. With all of the wickedness around us, I see so much good in our youth and what they're asked to do. Before coming to this earth, Heavenly Father knew how much we could handle and how much we couldn't. He's sent these kids to earth today, in a world full of filth, dishonesty, and moral decay, because He knew they were strong enough to handle it and they could balance the wickedness with their goodness. They read their scriptures and pray on their own, because they know it will help them and they'll feel closer to their Heavenly Father. They are doing family history work and going to the temple because they trust in the promises given to them that they will be "protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary" in their lives. I see them reaching out and lifting those whose heads and hands hang down because they want to follow the example of the Savior and do what He would do. I love our youth, the rising generation, and know the future of this great work is in good hands!

Lesson #5 - The little things matter more today than they ever have before.

One of the biggest difference I see between those who seem to struggle in life and those who don't are those who are focused on doing the little things on a daily basis to strengthen their testimony and their faith and those who are not. Now, this does NOT mean that those who are doing the little things are exempt from life's difficulties. It simply means they are able to submit cheerfully to the will of the Lord, no matter what that will is. They have yoked themselves with Him and are striving to keep the covenants they've made on a minute by minute basis. Most marital problems begin with couples neglecting their scripture study and daily prayers. Most couple prayers and scripture study are neglected because individual spouses (either one of them or both of them) aren't doing their personal study and saying their personal prayers. The busyness of life tends to get in the way of the little things (i.e. FHE, personal and family scripture study and prayer, date nights, temple trips, etc.). With how fast paced life is getting with increased technology and the sense of immediate gratification, it is more vital today than ever to slow down and focus on the things that matter most; your family and your "spiritual" self. 

Lesson #6 - Pornography will destroy a family and a person faster than almost anything else.

I knew that pornography was awful before being bishop, but had no idea how destructive it is. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the first presidency declared that "the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." If the family is central to Heavenly Father's plan, the destruction of it is central to the adversary's plan. He is using pornography as his main tool in trying to destroy families. Pornography goes against almost everything I've just written about:

1.    Pornography blinds sons and daughters of God to the love He has for them. While viewing pornography and being stuck in its awful grasp, the Holy Ghost leaves and Satan fills that individual with lies about how horrible they are and how much God doesn't love them for what they've done. He tells them to run and hide and never tell anyone of what they're doing; and thus they spiral down into a deep hole.

2.   The adversary tells those addicted that they can overcome it alone, by themselves, without the help of the atonement of Jesus Christ or their bishop. This is a flat out lie! Those stuck within its' grasp MUST reach for the atonement to free themselves of the heavy chains of addiction that hold them bound. They cannot do it alone and most definitely need the power of the atonement to help them break through these chains.

3.    Because he's trying to destroy families, he's heavily targeting our youth and trying to destroy the creation of future families. He knows that if he can get a youth addicted, they may not go on missions or be very effective missionaries once they're in the field. If addicted, they may not want to get married in the temple or, for that matter, even get married at all. Through pornography, the great deceiver fills or youth with lies about who they really are and he blinds them to the potential they have. We must do all we can to protect the rising generation against this plague.

4.    Finally, President Ezra Taft Benson once taught that the adversary knows he may not get people to go out and commit great sins of commission right off the bat (ie. killing, committing adultery, stealing, etc.) so he strands them with little sins of omission to get them "past feeling." If we are not acting on a daily basis on the little things, pornography can creep in to anyone's life. It is no respecter of persons, age, gender, or otherwise. We must continually focus on the little things in order to keep ourselves alert to the temptations of Satan. In 1 Nephi 15:24, we read the following about the importance of reading the scriptures:

"And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction."

I'm so humbled by the experiences I'm having as bishop. I feel so inadequate but trust that Heavenly Father will direct me. It is such a rewarding time for my family and me. I know that I'm nothing without my Heavenly Father and try and do whatever I can in my life to ensure I have His Spirit to be with me. I love my Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ and am doing all I can to help others feel of His love.