Sense of Belonging

Even though I haven't viewed the video that's created so much controversy with Miley Cyrus, I've seen pictures plastered on news outlets and read blog posts surrounding her recent makeover. Most of us have known Miley Cyrus as the innocent Hannah Montana and, because of the stark changes, are trying to possibly understand why she made such a change. Even though I can't enter the brain of Miley and certainly don't pretend to understand her situation, I can see a trend between her and several other young women and young men who have made these types of changes: a sense of belonging.

While reading the book Standing for Something, President Gordon B. Hinckley uses a quote from a Jenkins Lloyd Jones (a Unitarian Minister). Jenkins said the following:

"The kid who isn't loved knows it. There is no trauma so excruciating as parental rejection. No other form of human cussedness can more efficiently wreck a human life. Yet there persists the superstition that 'advantages' are a substitute for affection. They aren't. The finest of the advantages a family can offer can't be found in a department store, a car dealer's showroom, or a prep school. The only priceless one is the sense of belonging. Otherwise the family becomes a combination of cafe and dormitory. There's no glue in it.”

If our kids don't feel that sense of belonging in the home, they'll go find it elsewhere.

Many prophets have counseled that the greatest work that we can be a part of will be "within the walls of our own homes." This is ever-so important today! As I chat with youth and interact with them often, I'm beginning to find out that one of the greatest challenges they face in high schools today is trying to "fit in" or feel like they belong somewhere. When youth don't understand who they REALLY are, they may change the way they dress, the way they speak, and what they do in their free time to create someone who they're really not but someone who fits in. If all they view their home as is a place to eat and sleep and they don't feel any sense of belonging, where will they search for it? No amount of clothing, video games, or anything else money can buy will help our children feel like they belong. As mentioned in my previous post, it's the TIME we spend with them that will help them feel loved.

How will our children feel like they belong in the home? Allow me to share 3 simple things we can do:
1. Create family traditions and habits - What daily, weekly, seasonal, and yearly traditions and habits have you created in your family? In an inconsistent world around us, create consistency!
2. Shutting down technology for a specific amount of time each day - Technology is great and certainly needed; however, it can create noise for our children that makes it difficult to communicate with them face-to-face.
3. Spending consistent one-on-one time with each child - There is nothing so powerful as the trust that's created through one-on-one time with our kids. When we are consistent with the amount of time we spend with our kids, they'll be consistent with their communication with us.

The most important thing we can do for our children is to constantly tell them and teach them who they are, where they REALLY come from, and what potential they have! They need to be told that you're proud of them.