A Bishop's Wife

I don't think many (myself included) appreciate the sacrifices made by wives of those in leadership positions in the church. I asked my amazing wife if she would write a little bit on what it is like to be the wife of a bishop. After reading through it myself, I feel I'm so blessed to have such strength by my side! This woman, along with the many other wives of bishops and stake presidents, are truly incredible!

The following was written by Whitney Child (my incredible wife):

Being the wife of a bishop can be exhausting, overwhelming, and so completely full of blessings that the first two don’t really matter.  I don’t remember much of the night when the call came; I just know I walked out of the Stake President’s office feeling overwhelmed and in complete awe of the incredible men I had just spent an hour listening to.  These men, the Stake Presidency, had complete faith that my husband and I could fulfill this calling. We are just your normal family trying to do the best we can with what we’ve been given.  We are far from perfect, but always “trying a little harder to be a little better.”   We are far from the model example.   My husband is an incredible man who is so willing to help me around the house and with our kids.  I rely on his help to keep me sane, and I was filled with fear wondering how I would do this all on my own. I knew the office of a bishop was always busy.  I knew there would be late nights.  I knew I’d be in the pew by myself.  I didn’t know how I could do so much on my own.  However, I’ve been taught that when you’ve done all you can, the Lord will take over for you, and I’ve seen that the past 18 months.  I know I’m not in this alone, and just at the moment I’m sure I can’t handle one more thing, and I just want my husband home, something comes along and I’m just fine.

            My husband is gone a lot. And I never really know when he’ll be home. Just to give you an idea of what our lives are like, here’s a usual schedule: He’s gone all day on Sunday, and on the 2^nd Sundays, he only has one 15 minute break between about 7:30 am and 5:00pm to try to eat lunch.  On Tuesday and Wednesday nights he’s with us for dinner, then he leaves for church and isn’t home until late into the evening.  The running joke is that he’ll tell me what time he’ll be home and I plan for an hour later. I’m usually right.  There are some Thursdays he’s gone as well. There’s many times he’s receiving text messages or phone calls during our dinner time as well to finish setting up schedules, or to tie up loose ends on the evening’s agenda.  We miss him.  We miss him a lot.  It’s hard having to bathe the kids and put them to bed alone.  It’s hard to sit in the quiet of my house trying to stay awake, so I can see him for a few more minutes during the day. It’s hard having him gone from family events, and trying to explain to family who don’t understand.  I’ve heard more than once from people that they don’t understand how a church that is so family driven can justify having a member gone for so long.   I know he’s doing great service for people.  Whenever we are discussing with my kids where dad is, I never use it as a moment to complain.  There is no better example of sacrifice and service he can give them.  Yes, he’s away for us for many hours a week, but even in being away he’s teaching them to be the kind of men I want them to be:  He’s giving of himself to help those who are in need. He’s doing it without complaint.

            One of the great blessings that has come from him being gone so much is that our time together is really focused on our family.  Neither of us feels that he is missing out on the milestones of our children.  We don’t feel our relationship has been hurt because we are apart so often.  In fact, the opposite is true.  Our time spent as a family and as a couple is really quality time.  President Uchtdorf has taught that in families love is spelled T-I-M-E.  It’s a blessing that while we don’t have much time together, the time we do have is more than enough.  There’s nothing I look forward to more than when we can sit together in Sunday School—even when he comes in late, and I look at that as a tender mercy.  I always hope I’ll get to see him.   We don’t even get a chance to talk, but we get a chance to be together. Our date nights also mean so much more now than they did before. 

            One of the biggest struggles for me has been to learn how to be a strong support to my husband.  He is busy, and there’s a lot that weighs on him.  Some nights he comes home extra late from meetings, and I can tell it’s been a difficult night.  I can see how tired he is, and I wonder how to comfort him.  Other nights he comes home on a high because he’s learned something new and can’t wait to show it to me or to tell me.  I’ve learned how to just love him.  Love him no matter what and show him I love him. It may be just a simple hug or a hello.  It may be just listening or just watching a movie with him.  No words need even be exchanged.

            I also stand amazed at how the Lord really helps us to balance.  Standing back and looking at all we have going on (I work full time, we have two kids, my husband works full time, he’s in school, and he’s a bishop), we are able to balance everything out fairly easily.  There are often times I doubt we’ll survive a month, a week or a day, but everything always works out.  Thinking about it, there’s no way we could do it without divine intervention.  Even in the busiest of times, we rarely feel overwhelmed.  All that needs to be completed is completed. My husband has time to be a father and a husband.  His school work all gets done.    We feel fulfilled as a couple and as a family.  We feel watched over and protected all the time.

            I’ve found myself over the last 18 months counting my blessing and being grateful for so many things I hadn’t thought about before.  This calling has helped me to do that.  Things I took for granted, I don’t anymore.  I’m so grateful for neighbors I’ve been able to get to know so much better because of their service to us when I didn’t know I needed it.   Dinner time is more special now than before, and we don’t ever miss a dinnertime together.  Watching my husband learn and grow as a man has been amazing.  We’ve learned to really look at good, better, and best when making choices, and it’s been easier to pick those things that are best.   When the Lord asks something of us, he will provide a way for it to be completed.

            I’ve often had people asking me if it’s hard to do, and I always tell them no.  I don’t think some of them believe me .It really isn’t hard.  It’s the exact opposite.  We feel so blessed to be where we are and to be learning at a pace we never thought possible.  The Lord has provided so much for us and continues to do so.  He’s made a way for us to do all that he needs us to do, and I’m thankful for that.